Scotty-C must not have read any of the past interviews, because these are normally more cookie-cutter, "we did a great job getting pucks in deep and playing our game"-type responses, but he went outside the box. But hey, we're here to show you who these guys are off the ice and when their hair is let down (unless they're Ben Brody, in which case his hair is always let down). Meet "Punisher":

[Pax]: Hey Scott, thanks for joining us. What was your absolute best memory from this seazy?

- [Craw-Daddy]: I would say champagne night like everyone else, but unfortunately that one was more of an “in the moment” type of fun if you catch my drift.

Hmmmm, never heard of that, I wonder what they do there at that event. Would you rather be forced to eat Jimmy Dean Breakfast sandwiches that were only put in the microwave on “defrost” for 55 seconds for every meal, or be reduced to a “gang” and have Ben Brody promoted to a “nasto”

- I would rather end it all than have to refer to Brody as a nasto.

You might get food poisoning every day for the rest of your life, but I’m not well-versed in the intricacies of undercooked prepared meals. Where are you from? Sorry feels weird that I’m asking you that in the middle of the interview, but I felt like the fans should know.

- I'm from Needham MA, and I went to Milton Academy. Pretty on brand, to say the least.

Needham sounds like a rough area, who do they “need” so bad that they’re going to name the town after them? What’s the most serious injury you’ve ever had?

- I once dummied myself by skating full speed down the rink and tripping at the last second, leading to a superman dive into the boards. Got dumb concussed. Also got chirped pretty hard by the other team, which was arguably the worst part.

That’s pretty good, was there a lump in the ice of some sort or another issue that caused the incident? I wonder if your teammates clear-taped your skates. Do you put butter on the bread when you go to Molly’s restaurant, or are you a dry guy?

- I prefer my bread raw.

That’s inappropriate, but we’re too short on time to get a better answer out of you. You ever get into those water bottle flips people were doing like 3 years ago?

- That's a no from me, dog.

How many people do you think could, in theory, fit inside a scorekeeper’s box?

- As our first line scorekeeper, I can confidently say that you could pack at least two dozen heads in there.

Just have them sit right behind the box, and then it’ll look like we’ve got a packed crowd. What’s your favorite onomatopoeia?

- Skzzzrrrttt. Not to be confused with skrt.

Oh sorry, would have gotten those confused if you didn’t clarify, even though they are different by about 9 letters. Have you heard any good songs recently?

- Roll in Peace by Kodak

Nothing like a good fresh song from September 2017. I’m pretty sure you were still in high school then. Who’s the team clown in the locker room?

- This one's a no-doubter ... Jamie "Glocks "Silky Mitts"" McLaughlin

Let’s hear a good Glocks story.

- My favorite Glocks story is when I was on the bench, obviously, and we were playing probably like Norwich or somebody gross and losing bad but the boys were competing hard, and him and his always buzzing mouth were just going off the entire game and he absolutely went off for about a minute on how silky Emerson's mitts were, how gross his sauce was, and how dirty his snipes were. Never heard so much hockey slang in my life

Top non-hockey experience you’ve had at Dartmouth so far?

- Parker “Bugsy” Pickett and I beating Woody twice in a row in pong was a high I still haven't come down from.

I’ve heard Paul can only sink a cup if he flips it sky high into the air while in his own zone. Who’s the best goalie you’ve played with at Dartmouth?

- That goalie that St. Anselm gives us that one time out of mercy

That kid was playing as if his roster spot on St. A’s depended on it, and it probably did. Do you own any “unconventional” pets?

- My mini fridge is named John and he's on a strictly stone diet

Might have to take him to the urologist and get those stones obliterated. What do you think about the new Outlook Mail update?

- Shut up nerd, I only know sniping birds and mucking barn in the corns.

Oh my apologies, I now see why you responded with simply a laughing emoji when I sent you a calendar invite for this interview. How many points do you think you’ll have in your career here?

- Unless I give myself an assist in the score booth like McCorkle, probably zero.

That's all, folks. I hope you enjoyed this one as much as I did. 

-Pax Bandicoot, senior editor for Dartmouth Men’s Club Hockey

Follow the team on Instagram @DartClubHockey for in-game updates and additional media.