Jack Mascali was selected 71st overall in the 2016 ACHA by the Dartmouth trees? Kegs? Either way, he made his dirty A debut on September 23rd in an 8-1 loss against Bridgewater State University. Rough start bud. He scored his first career goal playing chel back in the 6th grade, definitely a glitch goal guy.

[Pax]: Hey Jack, it’s great to have you here for a minute without Rob Hopkins for once. To get the ball rolling, how have you been preparing for the seazy since least season’s last game against Norwich University when it looked like the team was a U14 team playing a U20 juniors team.  

-[Scali]: I’ve been bulking up a lot, pretty much just tacking on insane amounts of mass by eating as much as possible. I don’t remember the last time I touched the ice, so I guess that’s not great. But I’ve been watching a lot of my highlights from last year and just admiring the mitts. I’ve also been watching Ty Teodori highlights and having a good laugh.

That’s good to hear, I think Scott Bohn took on a similar strategy during his off seasons during his career (the bulking). The Ty Teodory highlights (bloopers) are pretty good, mistakes are some of the best ways to learn. You’re on a 2 on 1 with Joe Signorelli, how does it play out?

- You know, with a guy like Sigs, I’d probably just look at him then go short side high cheese on the tendy. My chemistry with Sigs comes on the more important stuff, like cellys, so we’d definitely have something coordinated for after I rip rope.

Most hockey players don’t think about the perspective of the net from the puck. Typically, there is much more space to shoot at in the bottom fourth. I would recommend that on a 2 on 1, you attempt to shoot low “cheese” to achieve a higher shooting percentage. How many top-shelfers do you think you get in an average practice?

- Probably only like three. You might think it’s because I have trouble lifting the puck, but it’s more that I don’t like embarrassing our goalies and destroying their confidence. In a game though, every shot I take goes where Grandma hides the cookies...top shelf ;). There’s no better feeling than popping a tendy’s water bottle, taking a swig, then respectfully placing it back like an absolute beaut.

So whose Grandma puts cookies in the net? What kind of cookies are they? Hopefully they don’t have walnuts.. If you hated the sport of hockey for some reason, what other sport would you waste your time playing and why?

- It would definitely have to be spikeball. I’m pretty sure I’ve beaten all of the dusters on the club team, but that’s not really saying much. Also, people forget I invented the drop shot. People forget.

Big self-call guy? Pretty sure Avalon is more of a sport than Spikeball. Would you rather wear a neck guard or wear a reebok 11k with a stock cage for the season?

- I’d have to go with the neck guard because at least it serves a purpose. I couldn’t live with myself if I wore a dusty bucky because I always determine a player’s skill by their sty, and a reebok helmet and stock cage is just embarrassing.

​I’m gonna have to disagree with you on that one. Although an 11k is repulsive and I might throw up upon the sight of one, I think it still protects the noggin. Maybe just wear the 11k, close your eyes, and have someone else put it on your head so you don’t have to look at it? Who is the best pong player on the club hockey team?

- Well this is a tough one because we just had some absolute legends graduate (RIP Forstner and Carey). But after me, I’d say the best is either Ty or Emer. Both have good strokes and high pong IQ. Without a doubt though, Ian Frey is the worst pong player on the team. He’s probably hit the table as many times as he’s touched the ice...for anyone unfamiliar with the team, that’s not a lot.

Ian Frey, Alpha Chi Alpha, big advocate of the blundstones (womens shoes?), c side pong player. What is your favorite NHL highlight video?

- I’m a huge Ovechkin fan and I actually met him when I was a kid, so I love watching the video of him scoring on his back against the Coyotes. Unreal focus, silky mitts, and solid celly.

People have described you as a three way forward. Offense, defense, academic weapon, but pretty sloppy on the basketball court. Would you say that is an accurate description?

- Offense...that’s cute...you’ve seen my highlight tape. Defense is usually my time to rest during the shift. Academic weapon when necessary. I’ve been described as a younger, smaller, handsomer Jackie Moon, so do with that what you will. References Sigs’ ankles if you need to.

I don’t know if a more handsome Jackie Moon exists, but if it does, it’s probably a more of  a Tom Cruise or a Charlie Gilmore than a Jack Mascali. What are your goals for the upcoming season? I’m hoping to see a lot of Avalon victories out of you. Do you see yourself as a minion of Mordred (bad guys) or a loyal servant of Arthur (good guys).

- Avalon’s always a top priority, so I’m gonna need to put in some more hours in the library this year. I always seem to end up a good guy, even though I’d love to be Mordred gang. Definitely gotta watch out for guys like Army...kid’s always bad and an absolute snake...heck of a player though, definitely gonna be first ballot.

Armstrong’s beard definitely isn’t doing him any favors when it comes down to judging whether or not he looks like a bad guy or a good guy. Kinda looks like the guy in Jumanji who got locked in the closet for like ten years. Beat one, lose to one, tie with one: SNHU, UVM, PENN?

- Would love to beat Penn again because the last game was a barn burner and a half. I’d be fine with losing to UVM because they’re pretty nasty (even though we split with them last year), plus they have some pretty greasy alternate tarps. Finally, I wanna tie with SNHU because then we can go to OT again and bring home another dub.

Not much of a dirty A archetype. SNHU = guaranteezy. Penn had some psychos on their team so another win could be a dagger to their team’s chest. The dirty A is a high intensity league, how do you plan to edge out your competitors when you’re a senior and you have the work ethic of the one lady at collis who screws up the smoothie orders and the sandwich orders literally every time?

- Yea the dirty A is definitely a tough league to play in...lot of guys that like to scrap, which is evidently not my game. When I’m a senior, I hope to be more of an energy guy and just a real veteran presence. I don’t wanna burn any bridges at Collis, so I’m gonna refrain from answering that question. I do have to say I love the beezos at the pasta station, they have a good vibe going.

I’m thinking about submitting a complaint. This one lady couldn’t get a smoothie right to make an open-netter from the hash marks. Greasy Conny goes bar-south more often than she remembers to put the soy protein in Connor’s smoothie. Assist guy or a goal guy?

- Definitely an assist guy. Some people might say it’s because I can’t score, but it’s honestly because I’m a team player. I love getting other guys some tallies on the scoresheet, unless it’s that McCorkle kid...pretty sure he invented the tertiary assist.

Team player? I thought your time to rest during a shift was in the d-zone? I’m starting to get skeptical about this “Scali” guy.

Alright, thanks for tuning in to this pre-season edition of "Meet the Players". Stay tuned for more espies in season 2, taking you right in to the reg seazy.