(Kemptville 73s Insider - February 16, 2017)

 

It's just after 7:00 p.m. Saturday November 13, 2010. I'm settling in to watch the Sens take on the Bruins and giving my 10 month old son one last bottle before going to bed.

 

My wife is out on a well-earned girl’s night out and I am at home alone “Single Daddying” it. 

 

My 4-year-old daughter is in her bedroom not wanting to go to sleep with her incessant calls for water, “blankies” and “stuffies” alike that are preventing me from watching the game.

 

I’m being selfish.

 

As the opening gambit ends, the tv announcer somberly mentions that Luke Richardson would not be at the game tonight due to the tragic death of his daughter Daron. 

 

No other details were given.  None were needed.

 

I flashed a picture in my mind of Luke Richardson and realized he and his wife would give anything to be in my current situation and I would give anything to never be in theirs.

 

At that moment, I glanced down to my son’s blissful eyes staring back at me and the calls from the bedroom didn’t bother me nearly as much as they did only minutes before.

 

In the years since, that memory is still raw and very clear to me. I would remind myself of that moment more than once.

 

Hockey is an interesting sport. Although spanning the globe, it’s very small, really, much smaller than it seems on the outside.

 

Everybody knows somebody. Somebody knows everybody.

 

For the Kemptville 73s, there are many connections to the Richardson family, but none are closer than current 73s player, Bobby Dow and his family.

 

You see Daron was like a sister to Bobby.

 

“Michaela and Daron, and Morgan and Rebecca were all friends and I would always tag along so the five of us became really close,” said Bobby.  “We’d always hang out or go go-karting or go to the EX and do stuff like that.”

 

“I really did feel like I had a couple more sisters, they were the exact same as my sisters,” recalled Bobby.  “They’d pick on me and we’d have fun together so it was like having more sisters.”

 

“I also had a bit of a crush on her when I was younger so I’m sure that helped when I was dragged along with them I wasn’t putting up a fuss about it.”

 

Discussing her now, Bobby pauses to choke back tears.

 

“I’m sure if she were still here she would hope for the best for me and probably push me just like my own sisters do,” said Bobby. “I hope that Daron is up there looking down and being proud of me and what I’m trying to do.”

 

“The whole family means a lot to me” said Bobby.

 

When Bobby was looking for an advisor to help him with his hockey future there was only one call made.   Luke arranged for Bobby to get connected to a hockey advisor. 

 

For Michaela Dow the loss of Daron was a devastating blow.

 

To Michaela, Daron was her best friend.

 

“My sister Rebecca and Daron’s sister Morgan played hockey together so we were kind of forced into a friendship,” said Michaela. “Daron and I were about nine or 10 years old and the first time we hung out we had a sleep over at her house and we just kind of clicked. It was really easy friendship because we all got along so well so our sisters would bring us with them when they would hang out and it worked out perfectly.”

 

“Daron wanted to be your friend, she was really just an amazing person,” said Michaela. “She cared about you and wanted to know what was going on with you.  All that made her really easy to be around.  That’s probably why so many people felt it easy to say she was their best friend.” 

 

In reality, her sister Morgan was really Daron’s best friend. 

 

“Whenever they moved to a new city it was hard for them to really make friends,” said Michaela.  “They just made sure that they always had each other’s back and they knew that they always had each other. They loved each other so much that they always wanted to be together.” 

 

When I asked Michaela to recall her favorite story about her time with Daron, she smiled and literally laughed out loud and proceeded to tell me a story.

 

“The Christmas before she passed away we had gone shopping and we bought our sisters Christmas presents, but I forgot about Bobby. So when we got back to their house and realized what had happened, we brought all these arts and crafts stuff out and printed off a picture of the three of us decorated it, and wrote Merry Christmas Bobby on it.  We couldn’t believe we forgot Bobby! It was just such a great day.”

 

“After she died, my Mom took the picture and put it on a plaque and made a copy for both Bobby and I” continued Michaela.

 

“We both have them up in our rooms and it’s just a reminder of how much fun we had together and how much Bobby meant to Daron,” said Michaela.  “Bobby was around us all the time and he did a lot of things with us”.

 

“It was a picture of me, my sister and Daron of when we went to the Ex together.  It was pretty cool to know how much effort went into it so it’s pretty special to me” said Bobby slowly.

 

He struggles to express what that picture represents to him, a hand-made picture of the three of them. That may seem odd. It’s just a craft. But it’s not.

 

“I know Daron would be right there cheering Bobby on at his games if she was still with us.  He meant a lot to her” said Michaela.

 

The Richardsons have always been a very caring family.

 

In the days following Daron’s passing, instead of leaning on others, others leaned on them.

 

Even in the deepest and darkest part of her life, Stephanie cared enough about her daughter’s friends to offer a simple yet profound message. 

 

“We went over to their house hoping to comfort them and as we got into their kitchen it was the other way around,” recalled Michaela.  “I started crying and as Stephanie hugged me she quietly whispered to me. “Do you know what’s getting me through this -- Smarties”.

 

A simple message offering comfort: You’re going to get through this. 

 

There are a lot great people involved in hockey, but no one has handled themselves with more class and dignity, during times of despair than the entire Richardson family.

 

The loss of Daron changed Michaela, like pressing a fast-forward button on a song of her innocence.

 

Daron’s death gave Michaela a purpose.

 

“When she passed away I knew that I wanted to help people in her situation,” explained Michaela.  “I wanted to make sure that no one would have to lose a friend like I did and that no one would feel like they couldn’t speak to somebody about what was going on.”

 

Both Michaela and Rebecca Dow didn't just say they felt bad about Daron’s situation. They are doing something positive about it.

 

Michaela is currently studying to become a youth mental health worker.   It’s the most important thing she can do to pay homage to her best friend’s influence on her life.  To make sure that she can help others and to make Daron proud of her.

 

Rebecca currently works for the Children’s Aid Society working up north on a native reserve. Considering how extreme the issues are within the native community regarding mental health, her job is extremely important.

 

But there's a lingering pain that never quite goes away.

 

“For a long time after she passed I woke up every day with the realization that she’s not here anymore,” said Michaela. ‘You go through the whys and what ifs every day.  It still happens every once in a while, especially when I see or hear things that remind me of her then all the thoughts come flooding back.”

 

It’s difficult to make sense of the senseless.

 

Those answers are never going to come.

 

A sentiment echoed by Bobby.

 

“Once in a while I get a memory of some of the things we did together and it almost doesn’t seem like it happened.”

 

“I think the most important thing that people should know about Daron is that she was happy,” said Michaela.

 

She pauses briefly. Then starts again.

 

“She did some amazing things like travelling the world, the life that she did live was amazing.”

 

Trying to learn more about Daron and DIFD myself, I did what most folks do these days. I scoured the Internet.

 

There I found many articles, tributes and videos. 

 

Most poignantly were a couple produced by TSN and Sportsnet, featuring Daron’s hockey teammates and Luke and Stephanie.

 

I got weepy at those videos.  Still do.  If you have a heart, seeing those move you.

 

Age will do that to a man.

 

Equally enlightening to me was my actual conversation with Michaela.

 

“Youth mental health is real,” explained Michaela.  “I think a lot of people dismiss mental health as growing up, hormones or just having a bad day, over exaggeration and things like that, but people don’t really take into consideration that it’s there and it’s a huge part of a lot of people’s lives.”

 

As she spoke, I was truly moved. Her words were pointed and poignant.

 

“When kids talk about how they are feeling a lot of the time adults dismiss it, but you need to take it seriously and not just pass it off.”

 

I’m disgusted at myself for how very little I knew on the subject.

 

But in the wake of intense, honest context from people I have grown to admire tremendously, I am now educated.

 

I have a much deeper appreciation for the struggles of others.

 

Mental illness is a bully. 

 

It plays no favourites. It doesn’t care when or where it hits you.

 

It can wrap itself around you and refuse to let you deal with it yourself.  Asking for help is your only option.

 

As kids we’re taught to be strong and stand up to bullies and if we aren’t able to, we ask for help.

 

Few human traits are more dynamic than vulnerability. Those with enough self-confidence to acknowledge the deepest part of their personal weaknesses are actually the strongest among us.

 

We put such a high value on honesty, integrity and trustworthiness, I question why don’t we heap as much praise on vulnerability.

 

Hockey players and people in general try to mask the true depth of their personal obstacles, as if telling the complete truth shows weakness or compromises their future.

 

We need to let people know that it's OK to be vulnerable. It’s OK to ask for help.

 

DIFD has brought the hockey community together to face our obstacles off the ice.

 

“It’s helped so many people and raised so much awareness across Canada and in the United States that it’s awesome to see everyone wanting to help and to be there for each other,” proclaimed Michaela.  “It’s something that Daron would want, it’s unfortunate that it had to start like this, but it really is helping people.”

 

“With DIFD everyone wanted to make a difference in Daron’s honour,” said Michaela.   “You still see it today with so many teams still having the stickers on their helmets or the patches on their jerseys, the hats, and the mitts.” 

 

The first time I saw a DIFD item was when young Payton Cory a member of the 73s billet family was wearing a DIFD hat.  I asked what it meant and she quickly replied “Do It For Daron”.

 

She proudly wore that hat.

 

She was oblivious as to why. She should be. She was 8.

 

A few years have passed.

 

This beautiful, bubbly little girl with an infectious personality has a better understanding of the DIFD message.  “If I have a problem or my friends have a problem we can ask for help from an adult,” said Payton.  “It could be a teacher, my parents or it could be you,” she said with a smile.  “Anyone that we know will help us and we don’t have to deal with our problems by ourselves.”

 

And I saw promise in her eyes.

 

Proof that the DIFD message is working.

 

Daron would be happy.

 

And that is worth celebrating.