Dave White is a creature unlike any other. Born of a virgin in the depths of hell and raised by a family of rabid wolves in northern Cape Breton, he spent much of his time as a youngster fighting to stay alive in the wilderness before picking up a hockey stick at the tender age of 5.

Best known for: his ability to use his stick like a pool cue to shoot the puck in the top corner of the opposing team net from center ice
 
Highest Accomplishment: winning the Eastern Canadian lip licking contest, years 1998-2006
 
Strengths: can turn invisible on command
 
Weaknesses: has his mother's ass